Nothing is ever as it seems. Plans, perceptions, any type of visions constantly change due to numerous circumstances that occur without a warning. All of the sudden, everything one thought it is, it is not. Life is simply an adjustment to ever-changing nature of existence. Detours signify the elemental core of life and the abstract pathway we all think we follow, always become blurred with obstacles carrying us on the side roads. As long as there is some type of an exit strategy on the blocked roads, we keep on marching ahead. Once the wall is elevated in front of us, somehow we manage to climb over it or take another way around it. However, even when one is standing still, the movement continues in our minds while we search for the ways out. Consequently, my adventure keeps on going in some other unexpected place with a new direction on the horizon. Living never stops as long as there is a heartbeat echoing in our chest.
Past two weeks have been filled with hospital visits in two different countries, yet there is so much more happening. I am spending time with my family in this bizarre situation filled with ups and downs. Comforting and supporting each other, we have managed to stabilize our emotions in this tragic time in my family. A person that all of us thought is practically invincible and full of life, ended up wounded, massively. At times, we think she will come back to us, while sometimes crippling fear of loss enters abruptly causing a state of helplessness. This unexpected detour altered several lives in the most painful way, yet we fight and refuse to give up in every spectrum of our beings. But none of this can compare to the agony my grandma finds herself in. Living but unaware of herself most of the time, going in and out during her own adventure, the adventure of finding herself once again. And all we can do is sit tightly awaiting for the signs of her presence. There are good and bad days, but as long as we have those days they count.
I have learnt quite a lot, or at least I think I did. Reinforcement of who I am and the role I play in this micro universe of mine, has made me feel more significant and more in charge. The usual lack of self-confidence has disappeared because the knowledge that someone else depends on you staying strong and coherent gives you some type of strength that keeps carrying you day by day. I have casted all of my needs and wants aside for someone else and this has made me more present, more alive. Tragedies show the real character of a person and I think I managed quite well to become an important tool in the toolbox offered at this time. Perhaps, my egoistic nature reveals itself in the most obscure way, but as long as I use it to the good of others, I have succeeded to turn bad into good. So, the detour became the main road, taking me into some unpredictable waters that I will gladly swim.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
The Problems I Have
When two irrational people are put together, only the irrational results are expected. It is like a mathematical equation filled with logic and definite outcome. Thats me plus Amber equals well, something of a comical yet, disastrous nature. Here we are at the beginning of our trip, already experiencing odd adventures. Today, we made it down to Sarajevo, the capital of BiH. The ride from BL took a little bit over 5 hours, since we had some technical difficulties. Nothing runs smoothly around here which is expected but just when you think you have seen it all, something peculiar occurs. First, when we got on the bus there were no seats since the efficient transportation industry and its workers had sold more tickets that there are seats available. So, far an hour, we had to stand crammed up. After a literally 5 minute drive, we were forced to stop since the bus driver forgot to fill up the tank. After good 20 minutes, we have finally resolved to head out. As if it was not convenient enough, Amber starts showing signs of nausea, making curious passengers attentive. After few offers to sit down, she finally accepted. While she was getting herself together, I started a conversation with a girl that let her sit. As it is a custom here, somehow down the line one finds something in common with another person, something austerely familiar.
The conversation took us to so many different places from the war experiences, to current and future lifestyles. However, the theme at times was gloomy and ironic as we were pointing out the things that are going wrong with this country and the only way out is unfortunately getting out. She was telling me about instances how corrupted and deeply disturbing political system is. We agreed on a lot of things and involved Amber after some heavy talks. After that she tried to point out our not so famous or not so accepted or even real pyramids older than the Egyptian once. Hoax or not, it brought light to the darkness of this nation. I could not help but think how different my life is living in a privileged world. I have never really felt a sense of an honest gratitude that the US has to offer, but the escape to the land of free, it really is just that. Diaspora ignores the devastations and hindrance of progress continuously recurring on daily basis effecting the lives of our countrymen.
Earlier before heading out of BL, I had another conversation with the cleaning lady at my aunt's house. Shes originally from Croatia, ended up in Banja Luka through the property exchange process that relocated many people within the ex YU. She shared the difficulties she has with paying her debts and taking care of three children in this different world of cyber culture. She sees no future for her oldest son who is intelligent by nature but challenging to take care off. All this real talk about real lives that are unveiling in this region seem more drastic and sad than the lives carried on during the war. At least, the "enemies" were tangible, now the abstract worries attack and no clear future is ahead. How many conversations do we need to have to realize that change is necessary more than water? When are people going to take things in their hands and get rid of the criminal opportunists that rule this country promising only nationalism and pay cut?? I am trying to make some sense out of this all with a hope that there is some type of a positive solution but it seems that things are unchangeably worse.
Here we are on this trip simply because we can, while there are people around who await for their salary for more than 16 months, patiently still attending their work posts in hopes that they might just get paid or maintaining their jobs because they will not be able to get another one. Is it out of desperation that a person gets up every morning to go to work knowing that he or she will not get paid or is it simply a clingy nature of us humans to keep whatever we can in order to preserve some type of appearances?
Then after initial incidents with our bus, we were moved to a different bus for an unknowing reason; just another hiccup in the transportation industry. When we finally made it to the capital, somehow we ended up in the shittiest cafe possible. After getting charged for the bags in the cab, I simply took it not as a robbery but as a person trying to get anything out of anyone to survive. I guess. It gives me some hope that there are still honest, hard working people. He was a douche but I did not want to argue over any principals tonight, so I let it go.
Finally, when we arrived to my relative's apartment our backs took a break from oversized backpacks and loads of other shit we are dragging with us. As it is the case, everything takes forever here, even the washing machines and dryers. We did not get a chance to completely dry our laundry so, discretely we laid out all the wet clothes we had around my cousin's room because the rack for drying was taken. And reserved me, would not ask for any hangers, so we spread it around an entire room. At least, it smells good and hopefully it will dry by tomorrow. These are my "problems".
The conversation took us to so many different places from the war experiences, to current and future lifestyles. However, the theme at times was gloomy and ironic as we were pointing out the things that are going wrong with this country and the only way out is unfortunately getting out. She was telling me about instances how corrupted and deeply disturbing political system is. We agreed on a lot of things and involved Amber after some heavy talks. After that she tried to point out our not so famous or not so accepted or even real pyramids older than the Egyptian once. Hoax or not, it brought light to the darkness of this nation. I could not help but think how different my life is living in a privileged world. I have never really felt a sense of an honest gratitude that the US has to offer, but the escape to the land of free, it really is just that. Diaspora ignores the devastations and hindrance of progress continuously recurring on daily basis effecting the lives of our countrymen.
Earlier before heading out of BL, I had another conversation with the cleaning lady at my aunt's house. Shes originally from Croatia, ended up in Banja Luka through the property exchange process that relocated many people within the ex YU. She shared the difficulties she has with paying her debts and taking care of three children in this different world of cyber culture. She sees no future for her oldest son who is intelligent by nature but challenging to take care off. All this real talk about real lives that are unveiling in this region seem more drastic and sad than the lives carried on during the war. At least, the "enemies" were tangible, now the abstract worries attack and no clear future is ahead. How many conversations do we need to have to realize that change is necessary more than water? When are people going to take things in their hands and get rid of the criminal opportunists that rule this country promising only nationalism and pay cut?? I am trying to make some sense out of this all with a hope that there is some type of a positive solution but it seems that things are unchangeably worse.
Here we are on this trip simply because we can, while there are people around who await for their salary for more than 16 months, patiently still attending their work posts in hopes that they might just get paid or maintaining their jobs because they will not be able to get another one. Is it out of desperation that a person gets up every morning to go to work knowing that he or she will not get paid or is it simply a clingy nature of us humans to keep whatever we can in order to preserve some type of appearances?
Then after initial incidents with our bus, we were moved to a different bus for an unknowing reason; just another hiccup in the transportation industry. When we finally made it to the capital, somehow we ended up in the shittiest cafe possible. After getting charged for the bags in the cab, I simply took it not as a robbery but as a person trying to get anything out of anyone to survive. I guess. It gives me some hope that there are still honest, hard working people. He was a douche but I did not want to argue over any principals tonight, so I let it go.
Finally, when we arrived to my relative's apartment our backs took a break from oversized backpacks and loads of other shit we are dragging with us. As it is the case, everything takes forever here, even the washing machines and dryers. We did not get a chance to completely dry our laundry so, discretely we laid out all the wet clothes we had around my cousin's room because the rack for drying was taken. And reserved me, would not ask for any hangers, so we spread it around an entire room. At least, it smells good and hopefully it will dry by tomorrow. These are my "problems".
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Meteorite
Just outside of city limits of BL (Banja Luka from now on), there is a small segregated neighborhood that is infamous for hosting a meteorite that hit the Bosnian soil circa 12,000 years ago. If you were an accidental passerby, you would think it is a strangely looking stone cut in a half with almost perfect half sphere shape, along with a neighboring smaller perfectly circled stone. And you would be wrong. Apparently, some dwellers found it who knows when, and cut it in half because they presumed that this perfectly round object contained some kind of a precious metal. Luckily, the smaller one was preserved. Once the archeologists established the authencity of the meteorite, they created a modest shrine for it next to somebody's house. When we approached the sight, we-practically parked in someone's front yard. Since it was a holiday, people were sitting in their yards, using any accuse to celebrate and drink. As it is here in the Balkans, the hospitality is taken to the extremes. We were offered to join in the celebration consuming the homemade rakija. (Pronounced rakiya or grappa; kind of a grape moonshine). We politely declined as we continued to take the pictures of this unusual sight. Never knew about it, yet it has been sitting in the area for 12,000 years. Neat!!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Balkan Rules
Past few days went by uneventful. Besides sunbathing and swimming, the time has not been fruitful with exciting events. Except maybe few lessons learnt from local mentality. Days in Croatia are coming to the end as in no time, we will head back to the motherland - Bosnia and Herzegovina. Overall, I enjoyed spending time with my mom as I realized that even in the States, we do not get a chance to hang out on our own. Of course, I wish my dad and others were here, but I gained some valuable memories that will continue to linger as we retell them every time we meet. We definitely have gained more material for future reminiscences.
The other day, we visited Krocula which is a nearby island where we visited a museum, climbed up some narrow stairs to get to the Marco Polo Tower house hosting a couple of bells, and enjoyed some local wine with great, fresh seafood. As I have mentioned few times before, the out of season transport is not very convenient. Some older French ladies tagged along with us, as we attempted to find a boat that will take us back to the mainland. Without speaking a world of French or they any other language than their own, somehow we found a common ground and I told them to follow us since we shared desired destination. So, I asked the guy that operated a small boat if he can take us back to Orebic. He asked me how much am I willing to pay, so we agreed on 15 kunas per person which translates into roughly 3 dollars. Apparently, we joined in with a group of tourists that had all inclusive privileges and one of them was this mean of transportation. Clueless, we jumped in and continued our seemingly quick and painless journey back. However, when the time came to pay, suddenly the price rose up to 50 kunas for 2 people. When I asked him, why did it change, he just said "that's how things are." Upset and angry, I told him a couple of "nice" things and continued walking. Then I realized, that is how things work in the Balkans and I cannot change anything. Balkan Rules in the purest form; they change as the wind blows or as the boat crosses the sea, in this case.
Other than that, I went for walks and sat at cafes drinking some Croatian beer. The time is nearing for other adventures as I am getting too comfortable here. I recharged my own batteries and now I patiently await for future trips.
The other day, we visited Krocula which is a nearby island where we visited a museum, climbed up some narrow stairs to get to the Marco Polo Tower house hosting a couple of bells, and enjoyed some local wine with great, fresh seafood. As I have mentioned few times before, the out of season transport is not very convenient. Some older French ladies tagged along with us, as we attempted to find a boat that will take us back to the mainland. Without speaking a world of French or they any other language than their own, somehow we found a common ground and I told them to follow us since we shared desired destination. So, I asked the guy that operated a small boat if he can take us back to Orebic. He asked me how much am I willing to pay, so we agreed on 15 kunas per person which translates into roughly 3 dollars. Apparently, we joined in with a group of tourists that had all inclusive privileges and one of them was this mean of transportation. Clueless, we jumped in and continued our seemingly quick and painless journey back. However, when the time came to pay, suddenly the price rose up to 50 kunas for 2 people. When I asked him, why did it change, he just said "that's how things are." Upset and angry, I told him a couple of "nice" things and continued walking. Then I realized, that is how things work in the Balkans and I cannot change anything. Balkan Rules in the purest form; they change as the wind blows or as the boat crosses the sea, in this case.
Other than that, I went for walks and sat at cafes drinking some Croatian beer. The time is nearing for other adventures as I am getting too comfortable here. I recharged my own batteries and now I patiently await for future trips.
One Day At A Time
For more than a week now, I have been surrounded by my grandma and my mom. The connection we possess ties us together, yet at the same time I sense the line of separation. I guess, it is a natural progression of life where, we children continue where our preceding generations left off. As much as I feel in touch with them, there are times when I seek my own seclusion to paraphrase it all. I realized that I learnt to enjoy my own company and sometimes it is all right to spend some time of ascetic nature.
Yesterday, I went for a run on the beach. Jogging alone is still not introduced in our culture because sports are supposed to be communal and executed in groups. Well, I was the only one running around and I really attracted the eyes of locals and older tourists. It is still quite calm here as not many people make their way to the coast this time of the year. Generally, one can only see older couples from northern European countries taking the advantage of quietness. Although, I am learning to enjoy it myself, I miss the presence of loud crowds and the entertainment that comes with summer. For now, I come across the locals that inhabit this little town. Cafes are empty and workers patiently sit while awaiting busy season.
Currently, Croatia is preparing itself for the entry in the European Union. It will be the second nation after Slovenia from former Yugoslavian republics, that will attain the membership. The feelings and perception of this act is mixed. Some are scared of rising already high cost of living, while others await the monetary aid that will hopefully improve some sectors of economy. Strikes by transportation industries are taking place as of right now. They are taking the advantage before the entry into the EU to point out their grievances. The airport in Zagreb is left desolate as workers refuse to work. Hopefully, the situation will patch itself up in following days because my mom needs to go back to the States and Amber will be on her way soon. Those are personal reasons on my part that I wish they resolve the situation adequately and rapidly. However, the longterm satisfaction of those individuals that are striking is far from realization. Instant gratification and patching up seem to be a recurring theme in our modern world. We will see how far it will take us. Those temporary fixes carry temporary results. For the time being, this has to do.
Being here and living a simple existence made me realize that our lives are composed of days we spend and it should be seen in bits and pieces. Sometimes, we get carried away in searching for a bigger picture to sum it up all. Occasionally, I catch myself thinking about worries that I do not have and how normal life filled with work, bills and everyday nuisances seems so far away. How nice it would be to live as I live right now for the rest of my life!? People are so consumed with a need for a structure because they fail to create it on their own. Perhaps, only when one goes through the structured life it is possible to genuinely enjoy the randomness and simplicity. I have done this before, left for months at the time, but the perspective that I have now only enhances the experience and differs immensely. Nelson Mandela said it best: "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
Yesterday, I went for a run on the beach. Jogging alone is still not introduced in our culture because sports are supposed to be communal and executed in groups. Well, I was the only one running around and I really attracted the eyes of locals and older tourists. It is still quite calm here as not many people make their way to the coast this time of the year. Generally, one can only see older couples from northern European countries taking the advantage of quietness. Although, I am learning to enjoy it myself, I miss the presence of loud crowds and the entertainment that comes with summer. For now, I come across the locals that inhabit this little town. Cafes are empty and workers patiently sit while awaiting busy season.
Currently, Croatia is preparing itself for the entry in the European Union. It will be the second nation after Slovenia from former Yugoslavian republics, that will attain the membership. The feelings and perception of this act is mixed. Some are scared of rising already high cost of living, while others await the monetary aid that will hopefully improve some sectors of economy. Strikes by transportation industries are taking place as of right now. They are taking the advantage before the entry into the EU to point out their grievances. The airport in Zagreb is left desolate as workers refuse to work. Hopefully, the situation will patch itself up in following days because my mom needs to go back to the States and Amber will be on her way soon. Those are personal reasons on my part that I wish they resolve the situation adequately and rapidly. However, the longterm satisfaction of those individuals that are striking is far from realization. Instant gratification and patching up seem to be a recurring theme in our modern world. We will see how far it will take us. Those temporary fixes carry temporary results. For the time being, this has to do.
Being here and living a simple existence made me realize that our lives are composed of days we spend and it should be seen in bits and pieces. Sometimes, we get carried away in searching for a bigger picture to sum it up all. Occasionally, I catch myself thinking about worries that I do not have and how normal life filled with work, bills and everyday nuisances seems so far away. How nice it would be to live as I live right now for the rest of my life!? People are so consumed with a need for a structure because they fail to create it on their own. Perhaps, only when one goes through the structured life it is possible to genuinely enjoy the randomness and simplicity. I have done this before, left for months at the time, but the perspective that I have now only enhances the experience and differs immensely. Nelson Mandela said it best: "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Our Cab Driver
In a previous post, I mentioned that my uncle organized a transport to the place where our house is located at. We were greeted by a very interested gentleman that drove us around Lastovo island and also served as a tourist guide. I sensed the accent but I figured that is how people talk here. It turns out that he was actually born in South Africa and that he learnt to speak our language after he arrived. Apparently, he was a trained solider and somehow he ended up here. His father left then Yugoslavia in the 50's to return in the early 90s. He was really nice and he took us to the grocery store and helped us with things. After a great conversation and few cups of coffee, we let him go to his pregnant wife. He made me think of the cyclical nature of things here. People leave but they always hope to come back one day and some of them really do. I started thinking about my retirement and where would I like to be. Croatia looks pretty attractive as a final stop. When I was a kid, I used to say that the capital city of Yugoslavia was Murter, which was the place where we used to vacation in Croatia. I always loved the sea and its charming surrounding. Maybe, one day, just maybe...
Blood is not Water
So, I wrote another quite lengthy post that accidentally, got deleted. Annoying to say at least. Well, I will try to paraphrase what I have already written. Final day in Bosnia, before I get back, was filed with drinking lots of coffee in few different cafes, seeing randomly familiar faces and taking it all in. After enjoying my short stay, it was time to head out - direction Rovinj, Croatia, where my cousin's wedding was taking place.
After a 5 hour drive in an annoying rain, the destination was reached. The last obstacle, and it really was one, consisted out of catching the ferry with our dresses and clothes worth of a day stay. The crossing was quite entertaining and somewhat mood killing because everyone's hair and clothes were getting messed up. After settling in on an enchanting, small island, the nervousness and hectic atmosphere presented itself in everyone. However, once the drinks started rolling and I met some of my relatives I have not seen in years or never before, the mood took a turn for better, significantly.
The surrealism of it all, being here and seeing all these dear people, reaffirmed the saying we use, that blood is not water. And somehow, we managed to beat the time and years of separation, with an ease. It made me wonder, what is it in us that once we know someone is somehow related to us, we automatically turn on our familial feeling of warmth and genuine love for them without even really knowing them. Maybe it is some kind of chemical reaction triggered in our brains that causes us to feel close to them.
The wedding was really nice. It had a charm and dreaminess to it. The island of St. Katarina hosts only the hotel and beautiful nature surrounding it. It is impossible to see it from the outside because the entire island is covered in greenery. Adorable, little place. Obviously, the theme that surfaced quite often had to do something with marriage. And guess who they were directing their genuine concerns at? Yep, you guessed it, me and others like me. I felt as a leper with some other incurable diseases and at any point I might perish from the face of the Earth. I am almost 30 and unmarried, something must definitely be wrong!!! It was quite comical yet annoying at the same time. The face when they make when they tell you that you are still single, is quite scary. The grimace showed the empathy veiled in sorriness when I told them that I failed to catch a bouquet. After they got over it, I realized and they did too I hope, that I SHALL LIVE!
After the ceremony, we proceeded to the celebratory room where we drank, ate and drank some more. Rakiya caused quite a raucous in my head the following day. After breakfast, the 26 hour journey began. I got to see parts of Croatia, I have never seen before. We had to catch a night bus to Split from Pula where we waited for 6 hours to get on it. In Split, we took a ferry to Vela Luka which is located on the biggest island in Croatia. My uncle from Sweden organized a cab for us to take us to our desired destination, Orebic. Finally, after so many buses and ferries, cabs and other adventures, we finally settled in. This area is breathtakingly beautiful. Blue sea side with rocky terrain and abundance of trees makes it look like heaven on earth. Untouched by human destruction, this place makes time stand still. Lastovo island still has the original vegetation unhindered by the progress which is difficult to find in the world. It is still kind of quite since the summer season hasn't started yet. Soon enough, the tourists will take over and make it lively.
The access to the internet is scarce so, hopefully I will be able to find it once I go into the city tomorrow. Pictures will come soon as well. I have some technical difficulties since I already lost the converter for the electricity so, I have to buy a new one. Go figure. However, it is relaxing not to have the need to constantly check my email. It has been days since I've last checked my facebook account. I am actually enjoying and absorbing every minute of my existence without any actual worries but quality time passing. My ipad is about to run out of the battery so, I will stop now. Once I resolve power issues, I should be able to write more. Hope everyone is doing well!!!
After a 5 hour drive in an annoying rain, the destination was reached. The last obstacle, and it really was one, consisted out of catching the ferry with our dresses and clothes worth of a day stay. The crossing was quite entertaining and somewhat mood killing because everyone's hair and clothes were getting messed up. After settling in on an enchanting, small island, the nervousness and hectic atmosphere presented itself in everyone. However, once the drinks started rolling and I met some of my relatives I have not seen in years or never before, the mood took a turn for better, significantly.
The surrealism of it all, being here and seeing all these dear people, reaffirmed the saying we use, that blood is not water. And somehow, we managed to beat the time and years of separation, with an ease. It made me wonder, what is it in us that once we know someone is somehow related to us, we automatically turn on our familial feeling of warmth and genuine love for them without even really knowing them. Maybe it is some kind of chemical reaction triggered in our brains that causes us to feel close to them.
The wedding was really nice. It had a charm and dreaminess to it. The island of St. Katarina hosts only the hotel and beautiful nature surrounding it. It is impossible to see it from the outside because the entire island is covered in greenery. Adorable, little place. Obviously, the theme that surfaced quite often had to do something with marriage. And guess who they were directing their genuine concerns at? Yep, you guessed it, me and others like me. I felt as a leper with some other incurable diseases and at any point I might perish from the face of the Earth. I am almost 30 and unmarried, something must definitely be wrong!!! It was quite comical yet annoying at the same time. The face when they make when they tell you that you are still single, is quite scary. The grimace showed the empathy veiled in sorriness when I told them that I failed to catch a bouquet. After they got over it, I realized and they did too I hope, that I SHALL LIVE!
After the ceremony, we proceeded to the celebratory room where we drank, ate and drank some more. Rakiya caused quite a raucous in my head the following day. After breakfast, the 26 hour journey began. I got to see parts of Croatia, I have never seen before. We had to catch a night bus to Split from Pula where we waited for 6 hours to get on it. In Split, we took a ferry to Vela Luka which is located on the biggest island in Croatia. My uncle from Sweden organized a cab for us to take us to our desired destination, Orebic. Finally, after so many buses and ferries, cabs and other adventures, we finally settled in. This area is breathtakingly beautiful. Blue sea side with rocky terrain and abundance of trees makes it look like heaven on earth. Untouched by human destruction, this place makes time stand still. Lastovo island still has the original vegetation unhindered by the progress which is difficult to find in the world. It is still kind of quite since the summer season hasn't started yet. Soon enough, the tourists will take over and make it lively.
The access to the internet is scarce so, hopefully I will be able to find it once I go into the city tomorrow. Pictures will come soon as well. I have some technical difficulties since I already lost the converter for the electricity so, I have to buy a new one. Go figure. However, it is relaxing not to have the need to constantly check my email. It has been days since I've last checked my facebook account. I am actually enjoying and absorbing every minute of my existence without any actual worries but quality time passing. My ipad is about to run out of the battery so, I will stop now. Once I resolve power issues, I should be able to write more. Hope everyone is doing well!!!
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