All Things Fall Apart

The fast pace traveling takes a toll on the body and the state of mind.  Trembling buses covering long distances become more of a hassle than an adventure.  After spending a couple of days in Lake Ohrid, Macedonia, we had decided to head to Croatia where we can spend some extended time in one place without a worry where to get next.  But before we get on the road, Ohrid deserves a few lines of notations.  

     Lake Ohrid is one of the oldest and deepest lakes in the world and has been put under the conservancy of the UN, attracting curious tourists from around the world.  Macedonia's historical duality has created a unique atmosphere in the land touched by Greeks, Illyrians and contemporarily Yugoslavians.  This mesh of heritage left a toll on the mentality of the inhabitants along with the influx of Albanians taking up a significant amounts of land.  There is a sense of division and separation between Macedonians and ethnic Albanians.  Cities and villages are labeled by flags, religious objects and even dress code to differentiate two cultures and two ways of life.  

     Especially, during the month of Ramadan these differences come to the surface more prominently than ever.  Even in this desolate location of Ohrid, 400 kilometers away from the capital, located close to the border of Greece, the line of separation is thick.  The downtown area laying by the lake and resembling more of a sea city than one occupying the lake, is filled with historical sights, modern restaurants and cafes.  One of the oldest Christian non-denominational churches dating back to the 10th century, St. Sofia, erects humbly in the midst of centuries of changes.  The city comes to life at the early evening where locals and visitors both take strolls around this combination of new and old, Macedonian and Albanian, while constantly being reminded of historical duality and its legacy.  

      Not too far away from the lake and mentioned church, the second part of downtown area extends into shopping center, more cafes and different wardrobe choices.  As I mentioned, the Ramadan was in full swing during our stay, so people were coming out late to enjoy a bit of a nighttime after challenging fast.  As we were passing by all these sights, I could not help but sense the separation unavoidably evident among the locals.  In this part of town, dominated by ethnic Albanians and Islamic influences, instead of a church, a mosque stays erected and instead of loud music, Ezan (a call to prayer) can be heard.  Women were veiled while men enjoyed Turkish coffee commemorating the most important month of a year.  These two separate worlds merge as one in the most odd fashion, when one stands on the imaginary border between the two areas.  On that crossing, people mesh up together and the overlapping voices of distinct languages, loud music and Ezan create demiurgic experience where those crowds become unified blurring the lines of separation.  In a split of a second, they become same in their differences.  Unfortunately,  this occurrence does not last long as everyone at some point heads home to their ethnically divided neighborhoods. 

        A couple of days were sufficient to absorb the oddity and beauty of Ohrid.  The next stop was Croatia, Orebic, at least 15 hours away.  Another long journey ahead on the buses of discomfort and pain.  But before we hit the road, the observation I have discovered in Ohrid is that all things do fall apart.  That split of a second that combines people together disappears into forgetting sooner than it appears.  So, that all things do fall apart is evident, but what is more important is how long can they last put together??  Perhaps, that is the question to significant number of contemplations I ponder on.  Even if everything falls apart, there is that moment when synchronization of life and those around us harmonizes into a unified form, erasing our differences and allowing this shortly lived second to echoes longer after it falls apart.  

On the Road Again

     The time has come to move along with my trip.  After spending a month or so with my family, I've decided to raise the anchor and embark on a new traveling adventure.  So, I bought an airplane ticket to Vienna in order to meet up with Amber.  A sense of anxiety and nervousness took over as I was readying to continue this trip.  Things haven't been going on as planned, so a dose of skepticism lingered on every corner awaiting for something unwelcomed to happen.  In contrary, the smoothness of it all surprised me quite pleasantly.

Initially, Amber told me that she was going to meet me a day later so, just a thought of staying in this unknown city by myself raised a lot of scared emotions and uncomfortable feelings.  Luckily, she changed her plans and met up with me as planned.  Was I relieved!!

Honestly, I was quite nervous about meeting up with her again because I didn't want to impose on her own travelling experience since she has been doing so well on her own.  However, two hours into the reunion, we both felt a sense of a relief that we are doing this together, once again.

     If I have learnt anything so far, is that the world is becoming a big pile of different cultures leaving no spot untouched by diversity and heterogeneity wiping the authenticity out and destroying the locality of nation states.  Vienna felt so familiar despite the fact that I've visited the place 13 years ago.  It seems that cities are resembling each other due to the influences of migration, globalization and economic dependencies.  Various languages echo more than the official one, completely overpowering the Austrian presence.  Surprisingly, I found myself in the center of Serbian diaspora in Europe where everything is run by Serbians themselves in a Serbian language.  Even the bus station from where we took the bus to Belgrade, was operated explicitly by Serbians.  Finding local spots and enjoying domestic atmosphere presented a challenge but nothing feels better than accidental encounters without any expectations.  Despite of all the obstacles somehow we found ourselves on the outskirts of Vienna passing by a small outing that looked like a restaurant.  However, it was a club meeting and we definitely crashed their little gathering.  Hosptiable Austrians allowed us to sit with them and enjoy a cup of coffee with some homemade cakes. 

     Vienna felt random and uncategorized.  Obviously, it became a melting pot of different micronationalities ruling the city through the cuisine, loud immigrant presence and diminishing macronationalistic inclanations of Austrians themselves.  I have a hard time deciding whether such change is for better or worse.  Like all the cliches, this particular movement toward shuffling of groups of people and intergrating them into different societies than their own deffinitely has its possitives and negatives.  Eventually, a lot more countries will follow this course of action but there is still a place in the southeastern Europe that strongly clinges onto traditional values and hardcore essence for identity - my overused term appears again - the Balkans!  After couple of days of dining in Mexican restaurant whle conversing about American socioeconomic state, sightseeing and drinking with a South Korean guy Amber met in Budapest, we decided to move more south; to a more distinct region.  

     After a long ride on the bus, we finally approached Belgrade, the capital of Serbia located nowhere else but on the Balkan Peninsula.  The city bleeds communist era through its architecture while contemporary political situation of so called democracy and capitalism resembles the state the country is in -- afraid to move forward with the western concept of "progress" that created a limbo for the citizens of this country with now way back but only one way forward.  And that way forward is pricey.  The bulidings are decaying yet some new structures can be seen on the horizon.  Even the buildings destroyed during the Nato bombarding in 98' are left untouched to commemorate and remind on everyday basis injustices of Clinton presidency.  Partly, the reminder serves nationalistic agenda and "inat" (spite), while on the other hand is the lack of government funding.  Although, a metropolitan city with the reputation of partying has lost its label becasue of the governmental attempt to regulate working hours of bars and to bring about some kind of order.  Yet, nothing happens gradually in the Balkans; our extremity surfaces in every aspect of life so, politicians decided to close down bars relatively early crippling Belgrade and its people to do what they do best.  

     I managed to pay a hommage to the grave of our lifelong president Josip Broz Tito.  It was quite intriguing to do so and see how a person can be adhered to such heights of respect and attention.  Whether it was a cult or true love for a leader, it is difficult to say from my stance but even though he died before I was born that man was truly something.  Even though I have never seen him or exprience him, the mysticism around him and my parents devotion allowed him to enter into my life as an inspiring figure and some that has become timeless for better or worse.  Seeing other tourists visiting his grave reminded me of his greatness.  This dividing line between the west and the "east", from occidental and oriental lingers still in this region through holding onto the past and digging deeper into history in order to refrain from looking where the west is going and it is sad that we cannot pave our own way without restrictions, judgements and someone else telling us how to live.  The arbitrary west continues to impose "righteous" ways  by completely taking over entire Europe and erasing the balance of difference and distinctivness that harmonized the world at some point.  The Balkans are truly the crossroads of history, of our Earth.  Once they succumb to the ways of the west, there is no stopping this vigorous force of globalization.  l

Either way, I am on the road again.  

Scandinavian Nights

Summer has official begun, yet according to the "Swedish calendar", the season had reached its peak. A three day weekend commemorated by family gatherings and celebrations of summer, has left the city of Motala desolate. Motala is experiencing a complete shutdown with an exception of few locales owned mainly by foreigners who have a hard time grasping this phenomena. Close to the north pole and geographically detached from the rest of the Europe, not counting other Scandinavian countries, Sweden breathes according to its climate. An average daily temperature scales in the 20s measured in Celsius, while in the shadow, one needs to wear an extra layer of clothing. The weather changes abruptly without a warning.
Absurdly, the daylight is observed until the late hours and already by 3 am sun rises in its fullest force. Such are Scandinavian nights; very short and never fully dark. However, the scale is never completely balanced when it comes to the meteorological sphere. Winters produce quite the opposite effect, when the daylight is almost absent except for a few hours. Life is very organized and controlled excusing the anomalies through the ardent alcohol use. That is the only time when Swedes become open, vurnable and communicative in the serene form. Otherwise, difficult to penetrate to the core of their existence, they tend to cling onto their conservative nature.

Such is a country I currently find myself in. Gloomy and filled with melancholy are the days spent here. Maybe, it is the state of mind I find myself in or it may be the characteristic mood of this part of the world, that leaves such a footprint on my wellbeing. Strangely, I find myself balanced and at peace. These contradicting causes and effects, resonate throughout my stay here. In one hand, I am filled with worries about my grandma, while in the other I am experiencing strange calmness and sense of balance that I have never felt before. Perhaps, it is this bizarre natural imbalance that caters to my extreme core, helping me reach the unusual coherence within. Whatever it is, it is fresh and new. The whole point of this trip was to discover something groundbreaking that will help me in a further development as an individual and so far it has done so. Although, everything that has occurred so far has not been a part of the grand scheme, still I am absorbing every single experience that comes along with an absolute preparedness.

The plan is to stay here for the next two weeks and then link up with Amber to embark on the next journey. Partially, I feel a guilt for leaving and continuing my adventures but I think it is the right thing to do. By then, I will help my grandma to the best of my abilities to recuperate as much as she can. Sometimes I think that watching her suffer is not something she would want me to see. I know I would not. Until then, I will try to sleep through a few more Scandinavian nights.

P.S.  This post was written on June, 21st.  Sorry for delay.

Detour

Nothing is ever as it seems. Plans, perceptions, any type of visions constantly change due to numerous circumstances that occur without a warning. All of the sudden, everything one thought it is, it is not. Life is simply an adjustment to ever-changing nature of existence. Detours signify the elemental core of life and the abstract pathway we all think we follow, always become blurred with obstacles carrying us on the side roads. As long as there is some type of an exit strategy on the blocked roads, we keep on marching ahead. Once the wall is elevated in front of us, somehow we manage to climb over it or take another way around it. However, even when one is standing still, the movement continues in our minds while we search for the ways out. Consequently, my adventure keeps on going in some other unexpected place with a new direction on the horizon. Living never stops as long as there is a heartbeat echoing in our chest.


Past two weeks have been filled with hospital visits in two different countries, yet there is so much more happening. I am spending time with my family in this bizarre situation filled with ups and downs. Comforting and supporting each other, we have managed to stabilize our emotions in this tragic time in my family. A person that all of us thought is practically invincible and full of life, ended up wounded, massively. At times, we think she will come back to us, while sometimes crippling fear of loss enters abruptly causing a state of helplessness. This unexpected detour altered several lives in the most painful way, yet we fight and refuse to give up in every spectrum of our beings. But none of this can compare to the agony my grandma finds herself in. Living but unaware of herself most of the time, going in and out during her own adventure, the adventure of finding herself once again. And all we can do is sit tightly awaiting for the signs of her presence. There are good and bad days, but as long as we have those days they count.

I have learnt quite a lot, or at least I think I did. Reinforcement of who I am and the role I play in this micro universe of mine, has made me feel more significant and more in charge. The usual lack of self-confidence has disappeared because the knowledge that someone else depends on you staying strong and coherent gives you some type of strength that keeps carrying you day by day. I have casted all of my needs and wants aside for someone else and this has made me more present, more alive. Tragedies show the real character of a person and I think I managed quite well to become an important tool in the toolbox offered at this time. Perhaps, my egoistic nature reveals itself in the most obscure way, but as long as I use it to the good of others, I have succeeded to turn bad into good. So, the detour became the main road, taking me into some unpredictable waters that I will gladly swim.

The Problems I Have

When two irrational people are put together, only the irrational results are expected. It is like a mathematical equation filled with logic and definite outcome. Thats me plus Amber equals well, something of a comical yet, disastrous nature. Here we are at the beginning of our trip, already experiencing odd adventures. Today, we made it down to Sarajevo, the capital of BiH. The ride from BL took a little bit over 5 hours, since we had some technical difficulties. Nothing runs smoothly around here which is expected but just when you think you have seen it all, something peculiar occurs. First, when we got on the bus there were no seats since the efficient transportation industry and its workers had sold more tickets that there are seats available. So, far an hour, we had to stand crammed up. After a literally 5 minute drive, we were forced to stop since the bus driver forgot to fill up the tank. After good 20 minutes, we have finally resolved to head out. As if it was not convenient enough, Amber starts showing signs of nausea, making curious passengers attentive. After few offers to sit down, she finally accepted. While she was getting herself together, I started a conversation with a girl that let her sit. As it is a custom here, somehow down the line one finds something in common with another person, something austerely familiar.


The conversation took us to so many different places from the war experiences, to current and future lifestyles. However, the theme at times was gloomy and ironic as we were pointing out the things that are going wrong with this country and the only way out is unfortunately getting out. She was telling me about instances how corrupted and deeply disturbing political system is. We agreed on a lot of things and involved Amber after some heavy talks. After that she tried to point out our not so famous or not so accepted or even real pyramids older than the Egyptian once. Hoax or not, it brought light to the darkness of this nation. I could not help but think how different my life is living in a privileged world. I have never really felt a sense of an honest gratitude that the US has to offer, but the escape to the land of free, it really is just that. Diaspora ignores the devastations and hindrance of progress continuously recurring on daily basis effecting the lives of our countrymen.


Earlier before heading out of BL, I had another conversation with the cleaning lady at my aunt's house. Shes originally from Croatia, ended up in Banja Luka through the property exchange process that relocated many people within the ex YU. She shared the difficulties she has with paying her debts and taking care of three children in this different world of cyber culture. She sees no future for her oldest son who is intelligent by nature but challenging to take care off. All this real talk about real lives that are unveiling in this region seem more drastic and sad than the lives carried on during the war. At least, the "enemies" were tangible, now the abstract worries attack and no clear future is ahead. How many conversations do we need to have to realize that change is necessary more than water? When are people going to take things in their hands and get rid of the criminal opportunists that rule this country promising only nationalism and pay cut?? I am trying to make some sense out of this all with a hope that there is some type of a positive solution but it seems that things are unchangeably worse.
Here we are on this trip simply because we can, while there are people around who await for their salary for more than 16 months, patiently still attending their work posts in hopes that they might just get paid or maintaining their jobs because they will not be able to get another one. Is it out of desperation that a person gets up every morning to go to work knowing that he or she will not get paid or is it simply a clingy nature of us humans to keep whatever we can in order to preserve some type of appearances?


Then after initial incidents with our bus, we were moved to a different bus for an unknowing reason; just another hiccup in the transportation industry. When we finally made it to the capital, somehow we ended up in the shittiest cafe possible. After getting charged for the bags in the cab, I simply took it not as a robbery but as a person trying to get anything out of anyone to survive. I guess. It gives me some hope that there are still honest, hard working people. He was a douche but I did not want to argue over any principals tonight, so I let it go.
Finally, when we arrived to my relative's apartment our backs took a break from oversized backpacks and loads of other shit we are dragging with us. As it is the case, everything takes forever here, even the washing machines and dryers. We did not get a chance to completely dry our laundry so, discretely we laid out all the wet clothes we had around my cousin's room because the rack for drying was taken. And reserved me, would not ask for any hangers, so we spread it around an entire room. At least, it smells good and hopefully it will dry by tomorrow. These are my "problems".

Meteorite

Just outside of city limits of BL (Banja Luka from now on), there is a small segregated neighborhood that is infamous for hosting a meteorite that hit the Bosnian soil circa 12,000 years ago. If you were an accidental passerby, you would think it is a strangely looking stone cut in a half with almost perfect half sphere shape, along with a neighboring smaller perfectly circled stone. And you would be wrong. Apparently, some dwellers found it who knows when, and cut it in half because they presumed that this perfectly round object contained some kind of a precious metal. Luckily, the smaller one was preserved. Once the archeologists established the authencity of the meteorite, they created a modest shrine for it next to somebody's house. When we approached the sight, we-practically parked in someone's front yard. Since it was a holiday, people were sitting in their yards, using any accuse to celebrate and drink. As it is here in the Balkans, the hospitality is taken to the extremes. We were offered to join in the celebration consuming the homemade rakija. (Pronounced rakiya or grappa; kind of a grape moonshine). We politely declined as we continued to take the pictures of this unusual sight. Never knew about it, yet it has been sitting in the area for 12,000 years. Neat!!

Balkan Rules

Past few days went by uneventful. Besides sunbathing and swimming, the time has not been fruitful with exciting events. Except maybe few lessons learnt from local mentality. Days in Croatia are coming to the end as in no time, we will head back to the motherland - Bosnia and Herzegovina. Overall, I enjoyed spending time with my mom as I realized that even in the States, we do not get a chance to hang out on our own. Of course, I wish my dad and others were here, but I gained some valuable memories that will continue to linger as we retell them every time we meet. We definitely have gained more material for future reminiscences.
The other day, we visited Krocula which is a nearby island where we visited a museum, climbed up some narrow stairs to get to the Marco Polo Tower house hosting a couple of bells, and enjoyed some local wine with great, fresh seafood. As I have mentioned few times before, the out of season transport is not very convenient. Some older French ladies tagged along with us, as we attempted to find a boat that will take us back to the mainland. Without speaking a world of French or they any other language than their own, somehow we found a common ground and I told them to follow us since we shared desired destination. So, I asked the guy that operated a small boat if he can take us back to Orebic. He asked me how much am I willing to pay, so we agreed on 15 kunas per person which translates into roughly 3 dollars. Apparently, we joined in with a group of tourists that had all inclusive privileges and one of them was this mean of transportation. Clueless, we jumped in and continued our seemingly quick and painless journey back. However, when the time came to pay, suddenly the price rose up to 50 kunas for 2 people. When I asked him, why did it change, he just said "that's how things are." Upset and angry, I told him a couple of "nice" things and continued walking. Then I realized, that is how things work in the Balkans and I cannot change anything. Balkan Rules in the purest form; they change as the wind blows or as the boat crosses the sea, in this case.
Other than that, I went for walks and sat at cafes drinking some Croatian beer. The time is nearing for other adventures as I am getting too comfortable here. I recharged my own batteries and now I patiently await for future trips.