Detour

Nothing is ever as it seems. Plans, perceptions, any type of visions constantly change due to numerous circumstances that occur without a warning. All of the sudden, everything one thought it is, it is not. Life is simply an adjustment to ever-changing nature of existence. Detours signify the elemental core of life and the abstract pathway we all think we follow, always become blurred with obstacles carrying us on the side roads. As long as there is some type of an exit strategy on the blocked roads, we keep on marching ahead. Once the wall is elevated in front of us, somehow we manage to climb over it or take another way around it. However, even when one is standing still, the movement continues in our minds while we search for the ways out. Consequently, my adventure keeps on going in some other unexpected place with a new direction on the horizon. Living never stops as long as there is a heartbeat echoing in our chest.


Past two weeks have been filled with hospital visits in two different countries, yet there is so much more happening. I am spending time with my family in this bizarre situation filled with ups and downs. Comforting and supporting each other, we have managed to stabilize our emotions in this tragic time in my family. A person that all of us thought is practically invincible and full of life, ended up wounded, massively. At times, we think she will come back to us, while sometimes crippling fear of loss enters abruptly causing a state of helplessness. This unexpected detour altered several lives in the most painful way, yet we fight and refuse to give up in every spectrum of our beings. But none of this can compare to the agony my grandma finds herself in. Living but unaware of herself most of the time, going in and out during her own adventure, the adventure of finding herself once again. And all we can do is sit tightly awaiting for the signs of her presence. There are good and bad days, but as long as we have those days they count.

I have learnt quite a lot, or at least I think I did. Reinforcement of who I am and the role I play in this micro universe of mine, has made me feel more significant and more in charge. The usual lack of self-confidence has disappeared because the knowledge that someone else depends on you staying strong and coherent gives you some type of strength that keeps carrying you day by day. I have casted all of my needs and wants aside for someone else and this has made me more present, more alive. Tragedies show the real character of a person and I think I managed quite well to become an important tool in the toolbox offered at this time. Perhaps, my egoistic nature reveals itself in the most obscure way, but as long as I use it to the good of others, I have succeeded to turn bad into good. So, the detour became the main road, taking me into some unpredictable waters that I will gladly swim.